A horrendous afternoon I've had today, the levels of pain I've been experiencing are quite indescribable and all I was able to do for over five hours was lie dead still and go elsewhere in my mind until things subsided. How hideous it is that I'm able to say and mean that I am actually accustomed to being tortured? Why is this being done to me? I ask myself, without exception every single day and every single night - over and over again. What must the mentality of those behind doing this to people actually be like? Safe to assume they're sadistic, evil to their cores and would be deserved of a bullet through the backs of their heads. Just as the scientists and 'doctors' whom they're in league with would too; and said subhuman scum bags are protected and employed by state systems! Far better and educational - though I'll stop short of saying more civilised - that they be the last ones to be implanted before a world wide ban on doing so is introduced. Then we should make reality TV shows that they'll be the stars of and see how they deal/cope with having done unto them as they've assumed the right to do unto others.
This system of Control, Utilisation and Disposal then. That I now know has been my lot, the writing was on the wall before I was old enough to even understand what the word liberty meant. These moving protrusions at the back of my mouth, that feel as though they're attached to the back of my upper jaw and that clearly were inserted there in order to inflict pain so horrific it is unimaginable to anybody that's not experienced it, have been there since I was a child. I can vividly recall being wholly confused over not being able to swallow as I once could, this was particularly evident – as inconsequential an event as it may seem to others – when I would have pop drinking races with my friends, as adults do with beer. I never used to lose as I could open up my throat and empty my glass as though I was just pouring it out into a sink, gone in one it was. This changed – and yes, I remember when – and to the point that I never could win again as I simply couldn't open my throat up any more. I could palpate these protrusions with my tongue then, believe me they're not small, but they never moved as they do now. Used to think they seemed odd too, that they didn't seem natural and that if they were they were a design fault or a mutation because they obstructed my throat, making swallowing more of an effort than it should be. I've always been conscious of them since this time, but there's no way on earth I ever expected them to have been something that were put in there by others. As I've said, they never used to move, this' only been apparent to me over the last decade and I'm now 45 years old. And their purpose? Categorically to hurt and to subdue me in doing so. Inflict so much destructive pain upon my person that I cannot function properly much of the time and without being overly dramatic whatsoever, prevent me from being able to live a normal life or even want to be alive at all sometimes the effects are so severe. The ideal eventuality for the perpetrators being the self termination of their lives by a target once its outlived its usefulness or becomes any form of threat.
Well that's Control and Disposal touched upon, but the most ambiguous and by far the most complex of the three factors listed is Utilisation. There are numerous reasons why this could have been done to me, and lot's of information I can provide to support them as theories, but as for categorically stating a definite specific reason other than it having been done for scientific research purposes – which obviously it is connected to – I cannot. I have no criminal record – or background I'll add – but I can and will state that I suspected for years aspects of my life were being micro-managed by others close to me, on the periphery or that were unknown to me. That too, I went beyond simply suspecting this and knew it to be a fact long before I was made aware that I'd been implanted. Because I was aware of this, I learned to live and cope with it without fretting too much, but the exact reasons as to why again, I didn't know. It was suggested, as far back as the early to mid-nineties, to me by others made privy to an amount of information that I may have been some form of social experiment. A speculative theory that did make some sense given what I already knew, but that now seems more like an accurate appraisal with what's come to light and what I've experienced in more recent years.